1.fineforparking

　　tellmeagain,"askedthejudge,"whyyouparkedthere?"thedriverroseandansweredrespectfully(尊敬地),"because,yourhonor,itsaid'fineforparking'"(note:"fine"hastwomeanings1)good2)paysomemoneyfordoingsomethingwrong.

　　2.self-help

　　iwentintoabookstoretheotherdayandaskedthewomanbehindthecounterwheretheself-helpsectionwas.shesaid,"ifitoldyou,thatwoulddefeatthewholepurpose."(note:"self-help"hastwomeanings1)youtakewithoutpaying2)youcanchooseasyoulike)

　　3.icouldn'tdigestsomanyapples

　　doctorgravely(严肃地):"ifyouwanttoenjoyalonglife,eachtimeyoufeellikeadrink.eatanappleinstead."patient:"sorry,icouldn'tdigest(消化）somanyapples."

　　4.isthisaquestion

　　acollegestudentinaphilosophyclasswastakinghisfirstexamination.onthepapertherewasasinglelinewhichsimplysaid:"isthisaquestion?"astudentwrote:"ifthatisaquestion,thenthisisananswer."thestudentsreceivedan"a"ontheexam.

　　5.adollarperpoint

　　aprofessorwasgivingabigtestonedaytohisstudents.hehandedoutallofthetestsandwentbacktohisdesktowait.oncethetestwasover,thestudentsallhandedthetestsbackin.theprofessornoticedthatoneofthestudentshadattacheda$100billtohistestwithanotesaying,"adollarperpoint."thenextclasstheprofessorhandedthetestsbackout.thisstudentgotbackhistestand$64change.

　　6.myfather'sashes

　　aguygoestoagirl'shouseforthefirsttime,andsheshowshimintothelivingroom.sheexcusesherselftogotothekitchentomakethemafewdrinks,andashe'sstandingtherealone,henoticesacutelittlevaseonthemantel.hepicksitup,andashe'slookingatit.shewalksbackin.hesays:"what'sthis?"shesays,"oh,myfather'sashesareinthere."hegoes,"geez...oooh....i..."shesays,"yeah,he'stoolazytogotothekitchentogetanashtray(烟灰缸)."(note:"ashes"hastwomeanings1)acontainerforholdingtheburnedcigarette.2)aboxforholdingtheburneddeadbody.)

　　7.idropmyweightfromskipping

　　mr.smithwasterriblyoverweight,sohisdoctorputhimonadiet."iwantyoutoeatregularlyfor2days,thenskipaday,andrepeatthisprocedurefor2weeks.thenexttimeiseeyou,you'llhavelost5pounds."whenmr.smithreturned,hehadlostnearly20pounds."why,that'samazing!"thedoctorsaid,"didyoufollowmyinstructions?"mr.smithnodded."i'lltellyou'though,ithoughtiwasgoingtodropdeadbytheendofthat3rdday.""fromhunger,youmean?""no,fromskipping!(note:"skip"hastwomeanings1)jump2)stopdoingsomething)

　　8.nowwerun

　　apriestiswalkingdownthestreetonedaywhenhenoticesaverysmallboytryingtopressadoorbellonahouseacrossthestreet.however,theboyisverysmallandthedoorbellistoohighforhimtoreach.afterwatchingtheboyseffortsforsometime,thepriestmovesclosertotheboy'sposition.hestepssmartlyacrossthestreet,walksupbehindthelittlefellowand,placinghishandkindlyonthechild'sshoulderleansoverandgivesthedoorbellasoldring.crouchingdowntothechild'slevel,thepriestsmilesbenevolentlyandasks,"andnowwhat,mylittleman?"towhichtheboyreplies,"nowwerun!"

　　9.pigorwitch

　　amanisdrivingupasteep,narrowmountainroad.awomanisdrivingdownthesameroad.astheypasseachother,thewomanleansoutofthewindowandyells"pig!!"themanimmediatelyleansoutofhiswindowandreplies,"witch(女巫)!!"theyeachcontinueontheirway,andasthemanroundsthenextcorner,hecrashesintoapiginthemiddleoftheroad.ifonlymenwouldlisten.

　　10.manandwoman

　　smart(精明的)man+smartwoman=romance

　　smartman+dumb(愚蠢的)woman=pregnancy(怀孕)

　　dumbman+smartwoman=affair

　　dumbman+dumbwoman=marriage

　　smartboss+smartemployee=profit

　　smartboss+dumbemployee=production

　　dumbboss+smartemployee=promotion

　　dumbboss+dumbemployee=overtime

　　amanwillpay$2fora$1itemheneeds.

　　awomanwillpay$1fora$2itemthatshedoesn'tneed.

　　awomanworriesaboutthefutureuntilshegetsahusband.

　　amanneverworriesaboutthefutureuntilhegetsawife.

　　asuccessfulmanisonewhomakesmoremoneythanhiswifecanspend.

　　asuccessfulwomanisonewhocanfindsuchaman.

　　tobehappywithaman,youmustunderstandhimalotandlovehimalittle.

　　tobehappywithawoman,youmustloveheralot¬trytounderstandheratall.

　　marriedmenlivedlongerthansingleman,butmarriedmenarealotmorewillingtodie.

　　awomanmarriesamanexpectinghewillchange,buthedoesn't.

　　amanmarriesawomanexpectingthatshewon'tchange,andshedoes.

　　awomanhasthelastwordinanyargument.

　　anythingamansaysafterthatisthebeginningofanewargument.

　　thereare2timeswhenamandoesn'tunderstandawoman-beforemarriageandaftermarriage.

　　



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欢迎光临我的网页http://jlcsh.blog.163.com,乐于接受善意指导 佛曰:"佛法虽无边,但难渡无缘之客".地藏王说:"地狱不空我不想成佛."我虽无佛主的无边法力,也没有地藏王的慈悲宏愿,但我有一颗诚挚之心.在茫茫人海中能相识相逢都是千百年修来,多少次的擦肩而过我们都视同陌